Another Post About Change

I looked at the date of my last post. It was Jan. 27th. Well, never when I wrote that post would I have thought that the very next day my life would change forever!

When I woke up, it was a normal day, too normal in fact. I was running errands and had taken my car in for an oil change. Then Josh called me and told me he got out of work early and said we should go for a hike. So I drove down to meet him. We got to the hiking trail. Josh took my hand and suddenly led me off the path into some grass, where he pointed to a little picnic set up. He suggested we check it out.

Then he told me he wanted to give me something. It was a frame, and inside of it was the piece of paper I had first written my email on for Josh before we even started dating. But he had added his own writing to it that said, I LOVE YOU! Josh had never said those words to me before, so it took me by surprise. I asked him if he was telling me he loved me. He said, "Yes, Nea, I love you so much!" And then he told me that he had something else to give me. That is when he got down on his knee and asked me to be his wife. He gave me the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. But I was in such shock, I didn't even look at the ring until later. I told Josh it would make me the happiest girl in the world to marry him.

After taking a few pictures, we munched on the Portos desserts that were there for us. But neither of us could eat very much. We went on a little walk, called and texted friends and family, and made a quick visit to Josh's sister.

Now, it's been over a month. It's been a whirlwind. Wedding planning is insane. :) And Josh's work and school schedule is wild. But the important thing is, we are getting married! On May 19th. All I know is that I am immensely blessed. Josh is the best gift I could ever ask for. I am more like Christ because of him and I love him more than I thought it was possible to love someone. I can't wait to be his wife!

--The Future Mrs. Beakley

Who Let the Dogs Out?

On Sunday morning I decided to go for a jog before church. It was a typical Sunday morning, and a typical run. I rounded the corner on a particular street less than half-way through my 3-mile jog, like usual. And I saw the run-down pink house, with the unkempt yard.

And then out of nowhere, a friend came to greet me—their big, brown, muscular dog. It didn’t bark. It didn’t growl. It simply chased me about two steps, jumped at my leg, and bit me. It sunk its sharp teeth into the soft meaty flesh, which is the back of my thigh. And I stopped in shock and genuine surprise at the audacity of this mutt.

The bite was worse than I initially thought. Two circular puncture wounds mark the dog’s bicuspid fangs, and a semi-circle of black, blue, and purple is the perfect replica of Bruiser’s mouth. I don’t know the dog’s given name, but I choose to call him Bruiser, because that is what he is.

Now don’t worry. I told the owner what happened. I went to the doctor who informed me that it is a very “clean” bite. But I don’t think there’s anything clean about it! Apparently that means it’s not infected, I don’t need antibiotics, and I’m not going to die of rabies. Yay.

So, what is the lesson? I know there must be one. Is it to carry pepper spray when I jog? Bring a stick? Run down a different street? No. Well, those are all ideas…but that’s not the lesson I learned. From this experience I took away two things. First, don’t wait until your neighbor’s dog bites you before you knock on the door and introduce yourself. And second, don’t run on Sunday…it’s the day of rest! ☺

Change

I’ve never been good with change. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, I’ve written a blog entry about change in the past. I don’t know what it is, but to me, there is something soothing about schedule, disciple, order, rules, regularity, predictability. It’s comforting, satisfying even. I thrive when I can anticipate things.

But unfortunately that is not real life. Most of the time, we can’t predict the future. And we especially can’t control the future. That’s a problem for someone like me. And I use the word “problem” loosely. It is actually a good thing because it forces me to trust the Lord.

So as much as change scares me, it’s good for me. It stretches me, and it makes me more like my Savior. So I won’t fight it—I’ll embrace it. Change? Bring it on!

White Christmas

I am going to listen to my Michael Buble Christmas CD one last time on the way home from work today before I put it away for an entire year! It's inconceivable how quickly the holidays flew by. It seems unreal. It's almost impossible to believe how drastically things change from when you're a kid. But if any time at all, Christmas is the best time to search for that spark, that simple joy you had as a child.

I spent a week with my sister, my B.I.L., my two nephews, and 3 of their cousins...in all there were 5 boys ages 1,2,3,4, and 5! Yes, it's true. It was crazy and insane. But such a blast! Being around kids like that on Christmas really changed everything for me, and it was such a special time. Enjoying their new toys, going on bear hunts, making Christmas cookies and happy birthday Jesus cakes, playing in the snow...it was so much fun.

My sister, B.I.L., and the boys leave tomorrow to go back to Uganda, so sadly that week at Christmas was the last time I will see them for a couple of years, unless God allows me to take a trip to Africa. The cost is great, but the mission is worth it. I will gladly sacrifice having my sister around if it is for the sake of the kingdom.

Goodbyes are bitter cold, like the snow we used to build our snowman. I am trusting that the warmth of these amazing memories will melt the frosty parting and burn brightly until the next time I get to be with my family again.

Too Good to Be True

Have you ever been in a place in life where everything seems to be going smoothly? You feel like you've got everything together and everything is moving along like normal. I'm not talking about WONDERFUL times where great things are happening...just the times that are peaceful. You aren't in the midst of any big trials and things are manageable. Things are safe and predictable and the possibility of hurt is minimized.

But then something really good happens, and it's hard to believe it's true. It's hard to accept. At least for me it is! I've been so used to going through trials and hard things, that when something good does happen, it can be a little hard to accept the gift, for fear that it will be taken away. It's easier to keep going in the "manageable" and the status quo than to step out and take a risk by stepping into something new and good.

But some gifts are so amazing, you can't help but hope they are true and take the chance. So you step out in faith and push off the "good" and reach for "great". It's worth it! I believe that. Because God is the giver of every good and perfect gift. He is not harsh or unfeeling. He is kind and gives good things.

I'm Alive and Thinking...

I've been encouraged to keep up my blog, despite good distractions that fight for my time. So I'm vowing to do my best. It's my Thanksgiving resolution, I suppose. Why wait until the new year?

Yesterday at work in staff meeting we had a devotion on Psalm 139 which says,
"Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with a complete hatred; I count them my enemies."

I have to be honest, this is a hard thing to swallow. I have always been told the cliche, "Hate the sin and love the sinner." And I know the intent behind that saying. But then, how am I to I take a verse like the verse above? Clearly it tells me to hate those who hate God. It calls them my enemies! There is no getting around it. I have nothing in common with those in darkness. I have no fellowship with sons of the devil. It's harsh, but true! There is no truce. No friendship, flirting, or comfort in the presence of an enemy. Too often I think of people as "good." In theory I know that's not true. I know sin abounds. But in practice I am at peace and comfort that everyone around me is pretty much good. NO. I am surrounded by enemies, and I am commanded to hate. Gulp.

But here's where I am blown away. I am also clearly commanded in Scripture to LOVE my enemies! Yes, I am surrounded. Yes, I hate them and loathe their father, Satan. But I LOVE them with a supernatural love. The same love that God love me with when even though I was His enemy, He died for me.

And this hatred of sin should lead directly to reflection in my own life--which is the very next verse in Psalm 139,
"Search me, O, God and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"

And that is my prayer today!

Winding Down

My sister, bro, and the boys are only here for a couple more weeks. The time has gone so fast! I just can't believe how precious my nephews are! I think my heart is going to break when they are gone. Even just a few days without them and the house seemed so empty it was scary! It was too quiet and it felt strange to actually sleep in a BED! But right now I'm going to forget about that moment when they leave, and I'm going to enjoy my next few weeks on the blow-up mattress and more important, my time with my amazing sister and those dear boys!